For those of you who know me, I'm a pretty quiet gal. I don't say much - I know that some of you think I'm shy, I've even been accused of being "stuck-up/snooty", but I am neither! I am very down to earth, non-judgemental, plain-speaking and easy-going, but I need for you to understand where I'm coming from:
I hate my PHYSICAL voice! I always have, even when I lived in Hull. If you're my family, you'll notice how my inflection has become Americanized over the years living here, but I still detest hearing my voice. Its not that I hate the Hull dialect - its great! (If you live there).
I also have a slight speech impediment - not a major lisp - I just have problems pronouncing my "ch", "j" and "s". I had speech therapy as an elementary schooler, which was OK, but it was a half-day out of school, (which meant I missed Art Class). In middle-school I had some horrible teachers who'd ridicule me in front of my class-mates - making me stand up and pronounce what I'd just said, but CORRECTLY (which of course, I couldn't do ... they assumed I was being lazy). Kids, of course, were quick to catch on to this, and they were just plain mean.
Living away from home has proved to be a challenge for me in this area too. Folks over here are so endeared to ANY foreign form of the English language (they don't hear the 'lower class' northern sounding voice I possess). People tell me that they could listen to me speaking all day long - either that, or they try to seduce me and my "sexy" voice! After 15 years (and now feeling like a local), it gets OLD!
In certain circumstances, I choose not to speak, or I get my kids to speak for me. I just don't want the attention.
Some people, no matter how hard I try, just cannot understand me. Then I get flustered at having to repeat myself and my childhood insecurities come flooding back ... and my words stumble and I BLUSH!
I KNOW my voice isn't perfect, but my dialect, my challenges and insecurities are a core part of who I am. I could work on this area and pay money to sound 'nicer', but I feel in a way that its a 'badge' I wear. You're either going to like me or not and I'm not going to try too hard either way for you to make up your mind - I like to think that I am kind hearted and I would like to say that my heart speaks louder than my voice.
Maybe I'm just starting to discover my inner voice ... through blogging:)
My Blog List
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We’ll Be Right Back7 years ago
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Scorched Earth14 years ago
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:: where am i headed? ::12 years ago
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A Bump In The Road8 years ago
3 comments:
It angers me so much that small minded people hear the voice/dialect first and see the qualities/professionalism of the individual second. Prejudice comes in many forms. We should all be proud of who we are. The perception that if you do not speak the queen's english or have an accent, that you are indeed lower class or of low intelligence, is wrong.
Stand up and be proud of what you are, where you came from and what you have today around you. Do not hide or shy away. After all it is what make you, you.
What matters is what is inside. If people cannot see past the accent/impediment, then they are not worth knowing!!
you inspire me. i love your honesty, lisa! i am loving your blog, and i feel like i am just getting to know you!!!
ps. and for what it's worth, i've always loved your voice.
I am speechless. I never knew. The ironic thing is God gave you a gift with words. I've known it for a while. The enemy has tried to keep those words in your heart,by using your childhood fears. I'm glad you are writing Lisa. Your heart is a gift to the world and people need to hear it.
By the way I love you not your beautiful English accent...it is beautiful you know:)
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